New-Ness

Sitting in an apartment which is not just mine but ours, sitting in a big new city with big new adventures. There are bookshelves on these walls now, filled with your books and mine, married together, and OH how I love how you asked if you wanted to marry our books! Marry, what a phrase. Oh how I love you, my dearest. A shelf for the Beatles and a shelf for my graphic novels. This is my favorite room. The living room. In one corner your computer and in another the drying rack I never take down (I'll just have to put it up again next week.) I love it here. On the couch, bay window at my back, coffee's getting cold and it all just feels so real.

It's home.

The kitchen's too small and there isn't enough closet space. But it. Is. Perfect. My very first apartment shared with a man I love. How lovely.

I did it guys! You two readers who may still check up on my blog. I moved to a big new city and I've been here over a month and I'm happier than I've ever been in my whole livelong life!

To be honest, friends, I'm not really sure what I'm doing here. Not really sure what to pursue, what to do with this life of mine, in the long run. Who likes to think in long runs, though? I guess a lot of people. People who want to grow up with jobs that you title "in finance" or politicians, people with lifelong goals. I wanted to be an actress. Now I'm just not so sure.

There are so many things about that "industry" that deter me from what was once my dream. Like any industry, like the fashion industry. I've never let myself become too involved with, or even interested in fashion because there are so many things that scare me about that world. It's too powerful, too judgmental, and too vast. There's so much networking and nepotism involved in fashion and in theater and I am just not good at that kind of thing. I am shy and awkward and I LOVE that about myself. I don't want to go about changing myself for anyone or anything. Especially when I'm this happy.

I love clothes, I love art, I love expression and creativity. I love the beauty of a perfectly crafted dress and a beautifully performed monologue. I love the feeling I get when I'm onstage and I've done well, when I'm offstage and it's over and I've got that post-show high. But the reality of that theater world is just so true to it's stereotypes that I have to run away from it, at least for a little while.

And fashion. This world of fashion. It truly interests me and provokes me and I get excited thinking about it but there are just so many things... so many drawbacks. Tavi and Jane Pratt are starting this magazine. They're taking submissions to start a team and I keep thinking about it. Wanting to submit but being scared of so many things. Scared of what will happen if they like me, scared that that won't.

You should always do the things that scare you most.

I'll write more about fashion later. Think more about that later.

In other news, I've re vamped my blog. Changed a few things. I'm going to buy myself a camera and start taking outfit-shots. There are so many shazzy "fashion blogs" out there, I figure I can spare to add one to the multitude. I'll write about clothes and cooking, been doing a lot of cooking here. Mostly my I'll write about my life. My thoughts on the idea of "grown-ups," what it means to be grown up. If there really is such a thing.

I miss you all.

Talk to you soon.