Spiders In My Head, Spiders In My Mind

So guess what I guess it's Halloween. My degree of caring is pretty insignificant. I've really and truly been trying to write about Halloween for like twenty minutes now and I've officially determined I have nothing real to say about it.

Okay but there are a few things. I love costumes, and candy, and I think it's a great holiday for little kids, because it's just fun and exciting and adventurous for them. But I think we should be allowed to eat a boatload of candy and wear ridiculous things any time of the year, if that is what we choose to do. Also I guess it'd be nice if ladies costumes weren't so hyper-sexualized. I mean you go girl, if that's what you want to do, but the gender specific pressures to dress and behave a certain way today. Nah cool, brah. Also though I'm just kind of sad and lonely and wishing I had someone to curl up on the couch and watch scary movies with. So my negativity towards this holiday probably stems from that. Because usually I am all about holidays. Celebrate. Let it out. Etc.

But hey! My hair is orange! So really I can't be too sad about anything :p

It's an ad for Nokomis Beach Coffee. 

So that was fun and I love it. It looked super cool just bleached too, maybe I'll do blonde again after this. I love to change my hair. I think it's a relatively healthy way of feeling like I'm in control of my life... as stupid and trite as it is it's kind of empowering. But I've felt pretty good about that these days. I started this new job that I freaking love. I really like the working environment and learning a new skill and though the money isn't much it's totally worth it to be working with people I like at a place I enjoy coming in to. And also I'm (hopefully) on my way to moving out of my parents house. 

I just feel like I'm becoming my own person. Which is really what I needed from this time. I needed to be back with my friends and family and have some time to just figure out me. And I'm really doing that. I feel like I'm growing, and I was a little worried about that for a while. That I was the same kid I was when I left... or even worse that I had like... regressed. But I'm fairly certain that (for the most part :p) I'm taking steps in the right direction. Learning things and moving forward. 

Things are really good for the most part. I just have this terrible habit of over-analyzing and over-thinking and convincing myself that every major and minor decision I've made in my life was a huge mistake. So then I feel terrible and worthless for a little while until I snap out of it and realize that I'm fine... just kind of crazy. And maybe a little stupid sometimes. 

But. Mostly I know. That everything will be okay. And. All the monsters are just in my head. 

I hope. 

Even The Comatose, They Don't Dance and Tell

Well folks I started a new job.

My hair is yet to be full orange. Soon. Before Halloween. Cuz duh.

Sometime soon when I am less burnt out and more used to it and maybe possibly in my own apartment (!!!) I will tell you all all about it. And share pictures of my orange head.

But. For now. Come visit me at Longfellow Turtle Bread and watch me be flustered and big-eyed and overwhelmed. And if you're in the cities and you like me hit me up because I have been doing far too little going out recently. Also I've been missing everyone I've ever known.

And if you like Royals buy Lorde's album. I want to be that 16 year old. Or just like kiss her face. Whatevs.

Hey--wait---I've got a new complaint...

Breakups are officially the worst.

I think I've been in a form of break-up shock (is that a thing? if it isn't a thing it should be) for the past month. Since I've been back I've been going and doing and chilling and being and everything was peachy freaking keen. And all of a sudden this weekend it was like it hit me out of nowhere. Well. Not really. I skyped with the ex fella and saw our old bed and all our comfy freaking pillows. And I got really sad and lonely and spent the weekend in this teary daze. Hate me, but I thought of this scene in Gilmore Girls where Rory is going through her first break-up and her mom is trying to get her to wallow. And I was like "What's up ice cream and pie let's sit and watch ANTM and cry for a while, you in?" Also it was rainy and gross all weekend and the world was like "You do it Emma, you wallow your little heart out." And so I did.

Gotta say, I'm okay with the fact that it took me a month to get there. That's not to say I didn't have little bouts of sadness and loneliness this past month, but they were pretty momentary and I could chase them off with something else. This weekend was the first time I really felt like I needed to just feel it, miss the life I left and let myself be sad for what I gave up. Which was substantial. And I don't think I wanted to admit that to myself. And then I did. And I guess I think that was a good thing, and necessary.

Okay and but so then, yesterday the sun came out. And I hung out with a buddy, and had a boatload of fun. And then last night I made an apple crisp and drank my little heart out and all felt really really well. And today it is sunny and bright and I died my hair and walked to this here coffee shop. And TOMORROW my bestest freaking pal in the world comes back from Europe.

One weekend of sad and loneliness is probably pretty healthy. I discovered a serious appreciation for Kurt fucking Cobain. Listened to Nirvana and Fall Out Boy all weekend, this is the best emo combination I've discovered... and I have had plenty of experience let me tell you. Pity Sex if you're into that kind of thing. Musically. Ha. Hopefully this upswing will last a while.

Hopefully my next update will be all about my new job and how my whole entire head of hair is orange!

Enjoy the gorgeous freaking weather, guys!!