That's right folks, I graduate high school ON MONDAY!!
Today I went to South, got my Senior Checklist all signed and turned in, and grabbed me a cap and gown. It was the last time I'll be in that building in a very long time. Right now, at this moment, I feel incredibly surreal.
I recently found out that I won't be getting a job through Step-Up which is a major stresser... and I got some other quite personal bad news that, though I would not classify as a "stresser", is also stressing me out. I have never felt so at a crossroads; never missed the past quite as much as I do at this moment. I just looked through some photos from a few years ago, photos for my "Emma Through The Ages" graduation board, photos from the first year I did Fringe. From the best time of my life.
Acadia was the greatest experience of my life. Fringe '07 was the happiest time of my life.
I can't decide if I'm sad about that or not. You know, it's not as if I haven't been happy since then, I just haven't been so very carefree. I was still me, still sad brooding little Emma, quiet and shy and incredibly silly... I think I just had more fun. Now I feel like I don't have enough time to have fun. Silly, childish fun, like the fun you have when you're running through the streets downtown in the pouring rain, SCREAMING your favorite song at the top of your lungs. Fun like coming home, putting all your clothes in the dryer, putting on a boy's pajamas, and falling asleep by the fireplace.
That is my favorite memory.
I miss those boys.
This is it. I wrote this a while ago.
Called it "Inspired by Condensation." I'm pretty sure it was inspired by something else.
"Laughing so hard our eyes are littered with tears and we're rolling down the stairs in Boy #2's pajamas and blankets and blankets and more blankets. We can hear the rain still dripping outside and our clothes still stuffed into his dryer, rising and falling with a 'thump... thump.' We are happier than we could ever be in our own clothes, connected now through Boy #2's pajamas. Something is holding us together almost painfully, so strong that if we were to be torn apart right now we just might break. Our friendship is made stronger by those clothes we share, Boy #2's clothes. Boy #1 has the camera now and I stand at the top of the stairs and watch them play, the beautiful boys. My hair still sopping wet and I am the only one to whom this matters, those boys with their short hair simply don't care. But I don't want to get anyone or anything in his house wet. His house is clean. Sterile. Nothing like Boy #2 but perfect for moments like this. Our clumsy uncleanliness and pure childish happiness contrast with the bright and shiny nature of his home only to make us feel more alive.
We haven't been friends for that long. And we're oh-so-close. When you've danced in the rain, sung in the rain, ran through streets in the rain with someone, you're bonded. It's an odd experience I hope every teenager has had and it means too much to put into words. The rain brings freedom, and being freed together is something you can never relive, never experience again in quite the same way.
We fall asleep by the fire and then a year passes."
It was about twice as long but I wander from that memory and go into memories of fog and snow, sad, more contemplative memories. But, that's how strongly I felt about them, about those boys and about that time of my life.
I felt free.
I miss that.
Walking across the stage next week will be an incredibly non-freeing experience. I see very little freedom about graduation, friends, I know I should see more but all I see is responsibility.
I just want the Trilogy again. To be a kid. To have adventures and laugh and... I dunno. That was before all the drama started happening, before my life turned into a teen soap opera. I miss that time.
Nostalgia, I guess.
Severe nostalgia.
Anyone know where I can get a good time machine?
Or how to rob a bank?
These are the necessities of my life, folks.
Have a good night.
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