It's been a while and I think I got a lot to say so I'ma do two lil' ones.
I used to write for me and only me. The prospect of people consuming my words was just too graphic to handle. Like eating meat it seems savage to me now. I picture people’s eyes scanning my words, analyzing the flavor as the rough metaphors scrape down their throats and they swallow with difficulty. They digest my words with acidic complaints. Bad puns, they say, horrible word use and awful structure. They grimace at the flavor and walk away disgusted.
Maybe I’m just afraid of being bad.
I grew up being told that I’m talented.
And never believing it.
I’m afraid of my family and my friends being wrong. Afraid I’m a horrible actress and a worse writer. Afraid that my beautiful old grandmother only said the things she said because she’s a grandmother and that’s what they do.
But I like to write.
I do.
I want to write my story about the girl who ran away. The one who ran to Brazil and closed her eyes and woke up transported. I want to write about time and pain and the beauty of this world I love so much. I want to write something beautiful and original. I want to show people the truth and beauty of this world. The leaves in the trees.
But I think that everyone wants that.
I want to create.
Wonderful performances that bring audiences to tears and scripts or stories that make people think and smile and remember why they like their lives. The leaves in the trees.
I don’t know.
Maybe I’ll just study optometry.
It’s important. Being responsible for how people see the world, making sure they see what they are meant to see. The first thing people who get glasses notice is always the leaves in the trees. I want to show them the leaves in the trees.
I guess I can do that.
Either way.
We’ll see.
We’ll see.
When I got my glasses the first thing I noticed was that people had faces. Right after I put my glasses on I stared at peoples' faces for a good 30 minutes. I then spent the rest of the day outside staring at flowers and leaves and little bugs and clouds. I still stare too much at people's faces because it's still wonderful to be able to see peoples' eyes and eyelashes and teeth and all the little dots and marks on their skin. I love looking at wrinkles. And eyes.
ReplyDeleteOptometrists are good, but you, Emma J, can show people better things than leaves. You can show them love, hate, fear, joy, mistrust, nervousness, awkwardness, calm, frenzy, beauty, ugliness, jealousy, truth...You can show them art, and that's worth everything.