And I Had All The Dreams

A little while ago I made the most difficult decision of my life. I shocked and surprised myself with a realization that I knew somewhere in the crevices of my heart was brewing for a long long time. Even though there is a part of me that still wants this life I've been living, I know that it is not what I need. So I am packing up my things and moving back to Minneapolis. For a little while anyway.

I have been in an utterly serious, completely committed relationship for the past going on four years. (It wasn't totally serious and completely committed for the first bit, but it was always pretty intense.) I moved to Chicago three years ago to be with the man I loved. And I have been happy. He makes me so happy. But you know what? It's hard, and terrifying, and I don't want to be in one relationship from the time that I was seventeen years old. I need to be on my own, to see what else is out there, to learn how to make MYSELF happy. I didn't want to feel like this. It feels like throwing away something extremely special. And maybe it is. But I need to know all the other special things that are out there in the world for me. 

Also I cannot express the joy I feel knowing that I will be back in the city where all my friends and family live. 

Over these past three years I have learned and experienced so much, and if I had met this man ten years from now, maybe it would be forever. But I just can't handle forever right now. 

All this said, I will genuinely smack anyone in the face who says that these past three years have been a mistake or a waste. I moved to a city where I didn't know anyone, cut off all financial ties to my parents when I was 18, and I fucking flourished. I made good money, found a great apartment in a great part of the city, made it into a home where I could be happy for three years. I learned what it's like to live with a man, to be in a serious relationship. I learned how to communicate honestly and openly with a partner, even when it's hard. I learned how to drive! To cook! To budget and pay bills! And I had fun. 

I drove from Chicago to New York City. I drove from Chicago to New Orleans. I went hiking and walking and biking all around the city. Ate at a million restaurants, visited a bunch of museums. Ooo, boy I will miss The Art Institute Of Chicago. 

It's been great.

But the next chapter of my life will be great too.

Hit me up if you're in the cities!!