Hello.
Since my last post I have been lounging around my parents house all day, occasionally going out at night and just kind of basically being. Bike rides around Lake Nokomis, walks to the Minnehaha Falls. Making yummy foods with my mommy, trips to our corner grocery Oxendale's (it will always be Jubilee in my brain) and the library.
Something about the small town vibe of this city and the fact that I have so much history and nostalgia connected with this place... I will never "settle down" here. If I ever settle anywhere. But I am excited to spend a few years re-learning this city as an adult. Everything feels so big and exciting and ripe with promises of new experiences. Places I remember from my childhood, instead of feeling smaller, feel so much more complex and interesting looking at them through my adult eyes.
I do not feel like I lost anything "growing up." It has been something I've been thinking about recently. Wether or not I have actually "grown up" and if so did I do it good? Am I a real, good, grown up adult person? Or am I stuck? And if so is there something wrong with that? I do not mean in the context of having no job and living with my parents, I mean it in a broader context of making life decisions that benefit me and my general humanity in the long run. I know that I need to get a job, and I have a pal who's most likely going to hook me up, and I'm actually even excited about that. What I am less sure of is whether or not I'm capable of being a good person.
Regardless of age, or stasis in the "grown-up" continuum.
Anyways. It has been really nice to just take a break. After working 50+ hours weekly for the last three years, and having all my free time basically filled by a boy... it is nice to just be with myself for a little while. I have been journalling like a maniac, people-watching like a pro, and really trying to learn and figure out all I can about myself and this world I live in. Trying to push my little bubble, going out and interacting with people. It's hard for me. I am 75% social anxiety. But I am really and truly working on it. Maybe it's incredibly self-centered of me... but I'm honestly trying to better myself.
Ha! Sometimes, read most of the time, I feel like every other newly 20something out there. It doesn't bother me as much as it used to. We're in it together, folks!
It's ten minutes long but watch it, it will change your life. For real. I just started crying in the library. Slays me.
Love you all.
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